Study of Beelzebub's Tales




18 The Arch-preposterous


“Why I suddenly decided not to try to explain to you in detail in words all that then took place in the fragment of the said red copper, in view of my suggestion of the possibility of soon actually showing you in definite intra-planetary formations the processes of various combinations of the manifestations of the active parts of Okidanokh, was because I suddenly remembered the all-gracious promise given me by our All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Most Great Archcherub, Peshtvogner.


“And this all-gracious promise was given me, as soon as I returned from exile and had to present myself first of all to His All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Archcherub Peshtvogner, and prostrated myself to produce before him what is called the ‘Essence-Sacred-Aliamizoornakalu.’


19 Beelzebub’s Tales About His Second Descent onto the Planet Earth


“Once, while on the planet Mars, we received an etherogram from the Center announcing the imminent reappearance there on the planet Mars of certain Most High Sacred Individuals; and indeed, within half a Martian year, a number of Archangels, Angels, Cherubim, and Seraphim did appear there, most of whom had been members of that Most Great Commission which had already appeared on our planet Mars during the first great catastrophe to that planet of yours.


24 Beelzebub’s Flight to the Planet Earth for the Fifth Time


“In the charge of the spirits standing on duty on the right is just that place called Paradise.


“It is a place of indescribable beauty and splendiferousness. In that Paradise are magnificent fruits in abundance and endless quantities of fragrant flowers, and enchanting sounds of cherubic songs and seraphic music constantly echo in the air; and many other things were also enumerated whose outer reactions according to the perceptions and cognitions abnormally inherent in the three-brained beings of that strange planet are likely to evoke in them, as they say, ‘great-satisfaction,’ that is to say, the satisfaction of those needs formed in their common presences, which are criminal for three-centered beings to possess, and the totality of which have driven out from their presences everything, without exception, that was put into them by our COMMON FATHER and which it is imperative for every three-brained being to possess.


38 Religion


“Now as regards the fourth great religion existing there now, which arose several centuries after the Christian religion, and was founded on the teaching of the full-of-hope Saint Mohammed, this religion at first spread there widely: and it might perhaps have become eventually a ‘hearth of hope and reconciliation’ for them all if these strange beings had not stirred this also into a hotchpotch.


“On the one hand its followers also mixed into it something from the fantastic theory of the Babylonian dualists, but, on the other hand, the ‘elders of the church’ of this religion, called in this case ‘Sheiks-Islamists,’ themselves invented and added to it many things about the blessings of the notorious ‘paradise,’ which as it were, existed ‘in the other world,’ such blessings as perhaps could never even have entered the head of the chief Governor of Purgatory, His All-Quarters-Maintainer the Archcherub Helkgematios, even if he were deliberately to try to imagine them.


39 The Holy Planet “Purgatory”


“And so… my boy, first of all I must once more and in greater detail repeat that our ENDLESSNESS was forced to create the whole World which now exists at the present time.


“In the beginning, when nothing yet existed and when the whole of our Universe was empty endless space with the presence of only the prime-source cosmic substance ‘Etherokrilno,’ our present Most Great and Most Most Holy Sun Absolute existed alone in all this empty space, and it was on this then sole cosmic concentration that our UNI-BEING CREATOR with HIS cherubim and seraphim had the place of HIS most glorious Being.


“It was just during this same period of the flow of time that there came to our CREATOR ALL-MAINTAINER the forced need to create our present existing ‘Megalocosmos,’ i.e., our World.


“From the third most sacred canticle of our cherubim and seraphim, we were worthy of learning that our CREATOR OMNIPOTENT once ascertained that this same Sun Absolute, on which HE dwelt with HIS cherubim and seraphim was, although almost imperceptibly yet nevertheless gradually, diminishing in volume.


“As the fact ascertained by HIM appeared to HIM very serious, HE then decided immediately to review all the laws which maintained the existence of that, then still sole, cosmic concentration.

“During this review our OMNIPOTENT CREATOR for the first time made it clear that the cause of this gradual diminishing of the volume of the Sun Absolute was merely the Heropass, that is, the flow of Time itself.


“And so, my boy, in view of this, our ENDLESSNESS was then just compelled to take certain corresponding measures, so that from this Heropass the destruction of our Most Most Holy Sun Absolute could not eventually occur.


“Further, again from the sacred canticle of our cherubim and seraphim, but this time the fifth sacred canticle, we were worthy of learning that after this Divine ascertainment of HIS, our ENDLESSNESS devoted HIMSELF entirely to finding a possibility of averting such an inevitable end, which had to occur according to the lawful commands of the merciless Heropass, and that after HIS long Divine deliberations, HE decided to create our present existing ‘Megalocosmos.’


“And so, my boy, thanks to this new system of the reciprocal feeding of everything existing in the Universe, in which our Most Most Holy Sun Absolute Itself participated, there was established in it that equilibrium which at the present time no longer gives the merciless Heropass any possibility of bringing about anything unforeseen whatsoever to our Most Great and Most Most Holy Sun Absolute; and thus, the motive for the Divine anxiety of our ALMIGHTY UNI-BEING ENDLESSNESS concerning the wholeness of HIS eternal place of dwelling, disappeared forever.


“Here it is necessary to tell you that when this most wise Divine actualization was finished, our triumphant cherubim and seraphim then gave, for the first time, to all the newly arisen actualizations those names which exist even until today. Every ‘relatively independent concentration’ in general they then defined by the word ‘cosmos,’ and to distinguish the different orders of arising of these ‘cosmoses,’ they added to this definition ‘cosmos’ a separate corresponding name.


“And then also our cherubim gave names, also existing until now, to the emanations and radiations issuing from all these cosmoses of different scales, by means of which the process of the most great cosmic Trogoautoegocrat proceeds.


“That this idea first arose just then in our ENDLESSNESS, we can also see from the words of that sacred canticle with which at the present time, at all divine solemnities, our cherubim and seraphim extol the marvelous works of our CREATOR.


“It is necessary to tell you that concerning the determination of the degrees of individuality, our cherubim and seraphim also then at the very beginning established that still now existing sacred ‘Determinator-of-Reason’ which is applied for the determination of the gradations of Reason or, more exactly, the ‘totality-of-self-awareness’ of all separate large and small cosmic concentrations, and by which not only are the gradations of their Reason measured, but there is also determined their, as it is called, ‘degree-of-justification-of-the-sense-and-aim-of-their-existence,’ and also the further role of each separate Individual in relation to everything existing in our great Megalocosmos.


“This sacred determinator of ‘pure Reason’ is nothing else than a kind of measure, i.e., a line divided into equal parts; one end of this line is marked as the total absence of any Reason, i.e., absolute ‘firm-calm,’ and at the other end there is indicated absolute Reason, i.e., the Reason of our INCOMPARABLE CREATOR ENDLESSNESS.


“Then among the various Divine measures undertaken, there followed HIS Decree, to choose the very best planet in the whole of our Great Megalocosmos, specially to arrange its surface, and to leave it for the free further existence of these higher being-bodies who were perfected in Reason, so that in this way they might receive all the possibilities for self-purification from the undesirable elements which were in their presences.


“So then, from that time on, this holy planet arose with the name of Purgatory, and its chief organization and government was undertaken at His own wish by Our All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Great Arch Cherub Helkgematios, that same Great Helkgematios who after the creation of the World first merited the Sacred Anklad, that is, first acquired that degree of Reason which alone it is in general possible for an independent Individual, whatever his nature, to attain, and which is third in degree after the Absolute Reason of our ENDLESSNESS.


44 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Understanding of Justice Is for Him in the Objective Sense an Accursed Mirage


“This happened then because my friends notified me from the Center that in the near future there would appear on the planet Mars one of the Cherubim near to our ALL-EMBRACING ENDLESSNESS, who had some command or other concerning me.


“After my arrival on the planet Mars, the said Cherub did indeed soon make his appearance, and the command given him from Above concerning me was this, that owing to my conscious labors for the attainment of results for the purpose of common-cosmic welfare, that is to say, owing to the fact that I had attained on your planet the abolition of the practice of ‘sacrificial offerings’ among the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, and also owing to the personal petition of His Conformity the Angel Looisos before our COMMON FATHER ENDLESSNESS, my punishment for my personal transgression was reduced in this respect that thenceforward it should no longer affect my posterity.


“And so when I learned of the permanent place of their existence and to which posts they were found worthy, I, from then on, according to my promise, sent every quarter of our year to Tooilan an exact copy of all my written summaries of those observations which I continued to make. Rather many years passed since the time I began to send Tooilan these etherograms and I personally did not know what became of them until I received information about these same turbulent events on the planet Purgatory. It transpired that the great Governor of the holy planet Purgatory, His All-Quarters-Maintainer the Arch-cherub Helkgematios, having once by chance learned that one of the assistants of the Governor of the etherogram station, Tooilan, periodically received from the solar system Ors very long etherograms from his father, evinced a desire to become acquainted with their contents, and having become acquainted with them, he not only became interested in them himself, but even commanded your uncle Tooilan always to reproduce the contents of these etherograms in the common planetary ‘Toolookhterzinek,’1 so that some of the ‘higher being-bodies’ dwelling on the holy planet might, if they wished, for a rest, be informed of the psyche of those peculiar three-brained beings breeding in one of the very remote corners of the Megalocosmos.


“These chosen fifty religious ‘souls’ were just those who were already worthy to be candidates for going to the Most Most Holy Source of Everything Existing.


“Then even His All-Quarters-Maintainer the Arch-cherub Helkgematios, the Governor of the holy planet, not only sanctioned the choice of these fifty blissful souls but also by His own all-gracious decision expressed a desire to help them in every way in the fulfillment of their undertaking.


45 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Extraction of Electricity from Nature and Its Destruction During Its Use, Is One of the Chief Causes of the Shortening of the Life of Man


“As regards the solution in this manner of this question, I might say that it was obtained, just as is said about similar cases, in one rarely used saying of our esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin, who formulated it in the following words:


“‘One can never know who might help you to get out of galoshes.’


“And the solution of this question was thus obtained, because my very old friend had in view individuals with quite other data and possibilities than these Saturn friends of mine possessed, who were only ordinary three-brained beings; my friend probably did not suspect that in most cases concerning these questions, just these ordinary three-brained beings, who acquire information about every kind of genuine cosmic fact exclusively only thanks to their being-Partkdolg-duty, are more competent than any of the Angels or Cherubim with their prepared Being, who, though perfected in Reason to high gradations, yet as regards practical confrontation may appear to be only such Individuals as our always respected Mullah Nassr Eddin defines in the following words:


“‘Never will he understand the sufferings of another who has not experienced them himself though he may have divine Reason and the nature of a genuine Devil.’”


47 The Inevitable Result of Impartial Mentation


When the great cosmic Egolionopty had come alongside the ship Karnak, certain parts of the latter were moved apart in a special way and there passed from the Egolionopty into the main hall of the ship a procession composed of several archangels and a multitude of angels, cherubim, and seraphim, and they all too bore branches in their hands, but of palm.


At the head of this procession walked a venerable archangel and immediately after him two cherubim followed solemnly, bearing a casket from which something also radiated, but this time something orange.


When the Hymn had been sung, the venerable archangel approached Beelzebub and solemnly proclaimed:


“By the decree of his All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Arch-cherub Peshtvogner, and bearing his own sacred rod, we appear before you, your Right Reverence, in order to restore to you, in accord with the pardon granted you from Above and for certain of your merits, what you lost during your exile—your horns.”


Having said this, the venerable archangel turned toward the casket borne by the cherubim and with pro found reverence carefully took from it the sacred rod.


Meanwhile all those present knelt down on one knee, while the angels and cherubim began to sing the appropriate sacred canticles.


And when this last sacred canticle also had been sung, all the angels and cherubim, with the venerable archangel at their head, returned to the cosmic Egolionopty which then left the ship Karnak and disappeared gradually into space, whereupon the passengers and crew began to disperse to their places and the Karnak resumed its falling toward its destination.