Study of Beelzebub's Tales

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“‘When the excitement aroused by our new meeting had abated, and when we had unpacked all the things my young friend had brought on camels—among which by the way were some of the famous contemporary European what are called “Roentgen apparatus,” almost fifty “elements of Bunsen,” several “accumulators,” and several bales of different materials for “electric wiring”—we began to talk quietly and from what he related about himself I learned with great grief the following:

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“‘Several years before, when on account of higher World-laws surrounding conditions and circumstances became such that scarcely anywhere on the Earth did people have any security for the morrow or any settled dwelling place, he suddenly noticed the appearance in his beloved wife of just that terrible disease, the search for a cure for which had lately been one of the chief aims of his existence.

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“‘And that was why he had brought with him all the necessary materials for these elucidatory experiments.

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“‘The next day I put at his disposal one of the sections of the underground domain and several what are called “Salkamourskian” goats and everything else required for his elucidatory experiments.

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“‘Among other preparations he, with the help of the Bunsen elements, first put into operation the action of the Roentgen apparatus.

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“‘And already three days after his arrival, that began which was the cause of the arising of permanent electric lighting in our caves.

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“‘And it began in the following way: As we were making certain experiments by means of my vibrometers and calculating the vibrations of the electric current which produces X rays in the Roentgen apparatus, we noticed that the number of vibrations of the electric current obtained by means of these Bunsen elements all the time either increased or diminished; and because the number of vibrations in a certain length of time were most important for our elucidations during the flowing of the electric current, it then became clear to us that that kind of electric current was absolutely useless for the elucidations we required.

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“‘This constatation of ours very much discouraged and depressed my young friend.

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“‘He immediately ceased the experiments he had begun and began to think.

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“‘The following two days he thought unceasingly even during meals.

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“‘At the end of the third day, as we were going together to the section where we usually had our repasts and were crossing the little bridge in the main section of our caves built over an underground stream, he suddenly stopped and striking his forehead, cried out excitedly “Eureka!”

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“‘The outcome of that exclamation, then, was that on the next day, with the help of several hired Tadjiks, there were removed from various ancient and deserted mines lying near by, “lumps” of three kinds of “ore” as large as could be removed; and these were placed in a certain order in the bed of our underground stream.

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“‘Then after laying that ore in the bed of the stream, he very simply connected from the stream two what are called terminals to the slightly charged accumulators which he himself had brought, and owing to this, the electric current of the famous what is called “amperage” began to flow into these accumulators.

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“‘And when after twenty-four hours we passed the electric current thus obtained into the said accumulators through our vibrometers, then it turned out that although its amperage was not sufficient, yet the number of vibrations obtained from that electric current remained unchanged and absolutely uniform during all the time of its flow through my vibrometers.

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“‘To increase the force of the electric current obtained in this peculiar way, he made “condensers” of various materials, namely, from goatskins, from a certain kind of “clay,” crushed “zinc ore” and “pine resin,” and in this way there was obtained the electric current required for the amperage and voltage for the Roentgen apparatus he had brought.

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“‘By means of this peculiar source of electric current, we ultimately clearly proved to ourselves the following: