Study of Beelzebub's Tales




42 Beelzebub in America


“When I began to explain to you, my boy, the causes of the disharmony in the presences of these American beings of the function of the transformation of the first being-food and when I mentioned the ‘comfortable seats’ invented by them, I said among other things, that these strange three-brained beings who have taken your fancy and who breed on the planet Earth were ‘again’ striving to perform even this indispensable being-function of theirs with the greatest possible sensation of self-satisfaction for themselves. I said ‘again’ because previously, in various periods of the flow of time, these strange three-brained beings there who have taken your fancy had already several times introduced something similar into the usages of their ordinary existence.


“I remember very clearly one of those periods when the beings of that time, who, by the way, according to the notions of your contemporary favorites, were nothing but ancient ‘savages,’ invented every possible kind of convenience for performing this same although prosaic yet indispensable being-need, on account of which these contemporary Americans, who in their na├»vete consider themselves already civilized to the ne plus ultra, have invented these comfortable seats in their water closets.


“The beings of the Tikliamishian civilization invented a certain kind of ‘comfortable couch bed’ which could be used for sleeping as well as for what is called ‘lounging’ so that while lying on this ‘wonderful contrivance,’ and without manifesting the slightest being-effort whatsoever, they could perform this same inevitable being-need for which the contemporary beings of the continent America have invented their ‘seats of ease.’


“These ‘wonder beds’ were so adapted for this purpose that a lever by the side of the bed had only to be touched lightly to enable one instantly, in the bed itself, to perform this same indispensable need freely and of course very ‘cosily’ and also with the greatest so to say ‘chic.’