Study of Beelzebub's Tales




19 Beelzebub’s Tales About His Second Descent onto the Planet Earth


“On arriving there and after arranging the place of our permanent existence there, I first began visiting the ‘Kaltaani’ of the city Koorkalai, that is, those establishments there which on the continent Ashhark were later called ‘Chaihana,’ ‘Ashhana,’ ‘Caravanseray,’ and so on, and which the contemporary beings there, especially those breeding on the continent called ‘Europe,’ call ‘Cafés,’ ‘Restaurants,’ ‘Clubs,’ ‘Dance Halls,’ ‘Meeting Places,’ and so on.


20 The Third Flight of Beelzebub to the Planet Earth


“Here also in the city Gob, from the first day of my arrival, I began visiting the ‘Kaltaani,’ which were already called ‘Chaihana.’


“My friend here turned out to be the proprietor of a large Chaihana; and although I became, as it is said there, on very good terms with him, nevertheless I never had that strange ‘tie’ with him which arose in my essence towards the priest Abdil in the city Koorkalai.


“Although I had already existed a whole month in the city Gob, I had neither decided upon nor undertaken anything practical for my aim. I simply wandered about the city Gob, visiting first the various Chaihana, and only later the Chaihana of my new friend there.


“And this addition of mine I began to spread by every possible means; of course, very cautiously.

“At first, I spread this invention of mine through my new friend there, the proprietor of the Chaihana.

“I must tell you that his Chaihana was almost the largest in the whole city Gob; and it was very famous for its reddish liquid, of which the beings of the planet Earth are very fond.

“So there were always a great many customers there, and it was open day and night.

“Not only did the inhabitants of the city itself go there, but also all the visitors from the whole of Maralpleicie.


“I soon became quite expert in talking with and persuading individual customers as well as all those present in the Chaihana.


“My new friend himself, the proprietor of the Chaihana, believed my invention so firmly that he didn’t know what to do with himself, for repentance for his past.

“He was in constant agitation and bitterly repented his previous disrespectful attitude and his treatment of the various beings of other forms.


“Becoming day by day a more ardent preacher of my invention, he thereby not only helped to spread it in his own Chaihana, but he even began of his own accord to visit other Chaihana in the city Gob, in order to spread the truth which had so agitated him.

“He preached in the market places, and several times made special visits to the holy places, of which there were then already many in the outskirts of the city Gob, and which had been established in honor or in memory of somebody or something.


“In addition to the proprietor of the Chaihana there in the city Gob, a number of other beings very soon began unconsciously to assist me, who, like the proprietor of the Chaihana, had meanwhile become ardent supporters of my invention; and all the beings of that second group of Asiatic beings were soon eagerly spreading this invention of mine and persuading each other of it as an indubitable ‘truth’ that had suddenly been revealed.


“There in the small town of Arguenia I began, as usual, to visit their various Chaihana, and there also I continued my usual procedure.”


21 The First Visit of Beelzebub to India


“Sitting in a Chaihana in this small town of Arguenia, I once overheard a conversation among several beings seated not far from me.

“They were talking and deciding when and how they should go by caravan to Pearl-land.


“The mentioned conversation of the beings who sat near me in the Chaihana in the small town Arguenia then immediately interested me, because at that time I already had the intention of going to that same Pearl-land where the three-brained beings of the continent Ashhark of the third group bred.

“And the conversation I then heard at once evoked in my mentation an association to the effect that it might be better to go to the country Pearl-land directly from here with this large caravan of these beings, rather than return the same way to the Sea of Beneficence, and from there, by means of the same ship Occasion, to reach this country.


33 Beelzebub as Professional Hypnotist


“What I then devised and carried out to escape from this situation was the reason why Turkestan—concerning which place there are and will be preserved in my common presence the data then fixed for pleasant memories—ceased to be for me the place of my permanent existence on your planet at the period of this last stay of mine; and thereafter the cities of the ‘famous’ Europe with their cafes with the ‘black liquid’—made of nobody knows what—replaced the towns of Turkestan with their ‘Tchai-kanas’ and their delicious fragrant teas.


“I failed to have a thorough rest in this Egypt because of circumstances which soon led me to depart from there; and the circumstances that led to my premature departure from Egypt were, strictly speaking, the reason why the towns of dear Turkestan with their pleasant ‘Tchai-kanas’ were replaced as I have already told you by the cities of their famous contemporary cultured continent Europe with the not less famous ‘cafe-restaurants,’ in which, as I have already told you, instead of fragrant teas they offer you a black liquid consisting of nobody knows what.”


37 France


“As I have already told you, a Café serves the same purpose for the beings on the continent Europe as their Tchai-kanas do for the beings dwelling on the continent Asia. The only difference is this: on the continent ‘Asia’ in a Tchai-kana they give you a certain reddish liquid to drink, squeezed from a certain well-known flower there, while here on the continent Europe, although in these establishments they also give a liquid to drink, yet that liquid is not only firstly completely black, but secondly, from what it is squeezed—no one knows except the proprietor of that establishment.