Study of Beelzebub's Tales




37 France


“And these waiters, exactly like dogs with their tails between their legs, who serve the people sitting there… are they not ‘Asklay-slaves’?


“And in their majestic city Babylon, where I also happened to be, many of their centuries later… was it not the same there? Were not the three-brained beings of the city Babylon those same Asklays, Kafirians, Veroonks, Klians, and so on?…


43 Beelzebub’s Survey of the Process of the Periodic Reciprocal Destruction of Men, or Beelzebub’s Opinion of War


“At that time, our dear Ahoon, bearing in mind their numerous weaknesses, such as their self-love, pride, vanity, and still many others, indicated to you in which cases just which of these specific properties of theirs it was necessary, as he expressed it, to ‘tickle.’


“He even then explained to you in detail about what and how it was necessary to speak to them so that they should always have good relations with you and so that they should always and everywhere praise you and only speak good about you.


“These contemporary representatives of Art there in fact have in great abundance the specific properties enumerated by our dear Ahoon and if on each occasion you ‘tickle’ these particular properties of theirs, they will indeed ‘worship’ you and in everything always behave towards you not worse than those who were called there Asklaian-slaves.’


“But though this advice of his is excellent and even indispensable for existence among them, I personally do not consider it practical for you; not practical in the first place, because since not all the beings of the Earth are like representatives of Art, this advice does not apply to all of them in general; and secondly, because it will be inconvenient for you always to have to remember all these numerous particularities and each time to stop and think on which occasion which of these numerous weaknesses of theirs must be ‘tickled.’